Out of Something Bad, Comes Something Good

I vowed to myself I wasn’t going to air any of my dirty laundry, but when something good comes out of my dirty laundry I thought I might as well share.  I always try to keep a positive note on this blog and not post a lot of personal, personal stuff but I am going too.

The Bad

In June, my mom left my dad.  It seemed abrupt to all of us kids.  Whether my dad knew it was coming or not I don’t know.  It’s not my business.  The day it happened she sent a text to all of us kids saying they were doing a trial 6-month separation.  She was leaving and did not want any input from us kids, but would contact us when she was ready.

For about a week, none of us knew what to do.  Should we talk about it to each other?  Should we keep it to ourselves?   Should we go and try to figure out where my mom went?   Was she okay?  Was my dad okay?  How do you ask him if he is okay and not upset him or say the wrong words?

I never really got answers to any of those questions.  We as siblings talked about it, a little at first and more as the time passed.  We each would talk to our dad in different ways and then talk to each other.  Somehow we all asked different questions and when you put it all together it made more sense.

As the time went on fast forward to mid-July (about 4-5 weeks later), we found out the truth.  My mom was leaving my dad and had no intentions of coming back.  She was living over an hour away, and the only way to contact her was by her cell phone.  At this point I had seen her a few times but only for a short amount of time.  A few of my siblings have decided they want to have no contact with her and a few of us were still seeing her a little.  We would text her but never talk on the phone.

When my mom was still living at home, I would talk to her almost every day, see her a few times a week, and the kids saw her all the time.  She has always had a few of her own problems, but I did my best to make it work.  When she up and left it was like someone had died in my life.  But as the weeks went by I got used to not having her around and then after a while I didn’t miss her at all.  The kids have stopped asking about her, I will go days without thinking about her, and the truth is I don’t mind.

The Good

While all of this bad stuff was happening, other things started happening.  As siblings we have always had our disagreements, drama, and fighting.  When my mom left, the fighting and drama stopped.  Sure we are always going to have disagreements but that is part of being a family.

All of a sudden we are doing more as a family.  Having get togethers and having a great time.  This is not the norm for our family.  We always have drama at every family function, someone always leaves mad and someone gets their feelings hurt.  We were getting together to hang out, cookout, swim, and talk.  No one was leaving mad or sad.  I was leaving at the end of the get together and could not believe how much fun I had.  I would talk to B and say why didn’t we do this more often.

My dad stepped up to the plate.  He is actually my stepdad, but has been around for so long that I consider him and refer to him as my dad.  (My real dad died a few years ago, but has been out of my life since I was basically 14.)  My stepdad has always done a great job of coming to functions when he could.  He would play with my kids, even if he didn’t want to, he did.

Even though he had to deal with all of this he still was there to help us deal with it.  I really haven’t asked too much about the problems they were having in their marriage.  I know a little from what my mom would say and the things my dad would say.  I have been there for him when he needs to talk, when he is lonely and wants to talk to someone, and when he has questions or needs reminding about happenings or import dates I am there to help.

My dad works a crazy schedule on the railroad, but makes every attempt to make all functions.  We have had multiple get togethers at his house and all of a sudden we have a new dad/grandpa.  Whether he really is or not, it seems that he is so much happier.  He smiles, laughs, goofs around, and all in all seems to be enjoying himself.  He is making sure to not miss/forget any of the grandkids birthdays, parties, or our birthdays.

Jumping on a raft. First time I ever saw this!

We had a little party, for F, at Chuck E Cheese for her birthday and he was right there playing the games with us.  I don’t think I have ever seen him play arcade games with us, but there he was.  I kept giving him tokens and he kept using them.  He challenged us in basketball, skee-ball, and B in racing.  We were smiling and laughing together.  I think the adults had more fun than the kids did.  Okay, probably not.

We took my dad out for his birthday and we all managed to go, except for my brother but he lives in Cleveland.  We were joking, having conversations, and laughing.  My dad even played along wore the sombrero when they sang to him, and shared fried ice cream.   The grandkids loved singing to him and enjoyed the ice cream.

For my birthday, my twin, and little sister’s he planned a dinner for all of us.  I volunteered to bring a few sides, so did my older sister.  He got everything else steaks, potatoes, sides, ice cream and cake.  Never have I had such a good birthday.  We all had so much fun.  The kids swam, the adults ate and talked, and we all enjoyed ourselves.  S loves seeing and playing with his Papa.  P actually squirmed down from my arms so she could run into her Papa’s arms.  It just warmed my heart to see that.  At the end of the night we all made a team effort to make sure we left the house clean.  All the dishes were taken care of, toys put away, and tables cleaned.  Somehow we are all working together.  When we left the party at the end of the night the first thing I said to B was, “That was one of the best birthday’s ever.”  I left with a smile on my face, and a full heart.

I actually look forward to the next time we are going to get together as a family.  When do I get to see my dad next, talk to him, or text him.  I ask myself, what has changed in the past few months, why are we all of a sudden getting along, what has made my dad so happy and more?   The answer.

My mom, who knew that when she left for herself, she was in return giving us the family we have always wanted.  This is the family that we have all yearned for our entire lives.  Who would have thought our mom had to leave to get it?